Delayed Gratification

I do not understand this concept. I want it fast and I want it now. I want resolution and answers. I'm middle-class, educated, white American. If I want an answer I google my question. If I want food I go through a drive-thru. If I'm sleepy I get a drink at starbucks. If I want a new toy and can't afford it I charge it to my credit card. If I'm having a bad day I do one or all of these things and get my quick fix.

Are these things bad? I dunno. At some point this lifestyle and mentality begins to infect the way I view Christianity also. I'm unhappy God so fix it. If I have enough faith and if I pray every day at 6 am I can will this to happen! I'm serving you and haven't missed a monthly tithe God so where's my bonus or reward?

It's not enough to preach it. I actually have to live it. I'm not talking about just a moral between me and God life and I'm definitey not talking about YOUR standards of how I should be living. I'm talking about a complete mentaliy change. A lifestyle in which I literally choose and by the grace of God find it a joy to follow Him, putting him first and not fretting about the complications of life because of the gentle whisper He gives me as I face adversity. I'm talking about being okay with the struggles and roadblocks because I realize they are inevitable..... expressing my anger and frusteration with God all the way through because I am human yet realizing in the end that God is beautiful and gracious and I am not meant to control or understand everything.

There is pressure for me to produce a "product" while I am here interning in this congregation in this community. I am probably putting the pressure on myself mostly because I feel I need to produce something to show my efforts, to communicate it was worth their while to have me there, to provide me a stipend and to possibly house another intern in the future. The problem is, if I helped them start another program it would probalby just be another thing to add to their list and the same volunteers that volunteer for everything would help. I could come up with a flashy presentation and incentive to lure the young families into a community project but again if the mentality and heart are not right it will surely dwindle also. The development of a mission-minded church and/or community ministries takes time. Why? Because I am realizing just now that to truly "get it" it takes a death to self.

That's not a very popular thing to promote in church haha and neither is ministry to the poor.

I've come to the conclusion that because we serve a God of grace we probably can experience him in a "prosperity theology" type worship and setting BUT for those (and I so hope that some day I will bel able to look back and see that I attempted to grasp this) that truly decide to place their needs, wants and ideals before God and choose to follow Him first at no matter what the cost, there is a richer, more sustaining peace and love experienced than one could imagine. Perhaps its just a glimpse of the relationship Jesus had with God ---

I've heard people pray before in church or in a small group setting and their request was so honest and language was so real it was as a friend of mine put it, "like we were eavesdropping on a conversation that had been going on for a long time."

I long to get to a place like that in my life.... to spend time aware of God's presence around me daily as well as in others' lives...believing it so much that when I asked to pray infront of or behalf of a group of people it is just a continuation of a conversation that has been going on all day, week and hour.