Beautiful.

I spent time and got to know the tangible definition of beauty and peace today. I helped her into my car, sat by her in church, held her hand during the moving worship service, ate lunch with her and grocery shopped with her. Two years ago I would have not seen the beauty in her. Two years ago I would have tried to find a purpose for her and would have spent time with her out of guilt. I would have unknowingly felt superior to her and most likely become frustrated with the time it takes to move from vehicle to walker and from conversation to conversation.

The human condition of needing love and acceptance is interesting. Although my life functioned well without this beauty, I somehow now need her. Is it because she tells me I am the daughter God always brings into her life each city she lives because she never had children? Is it because of the unusual spirit that oozes out of her when in her presence? Is it because I need someone to listen or an affirmation that I'm doing a good deed? I don’t know but I somehow need her and she needs me.

This beauty is a 58 yr old African-American woman who happens to live with cerebral palsy. We met serving together at church and just clicked. Within the 6 hrs we spent time together today, I was moved and brought to tears by her wisdom and passion for life. Again, two years ago I would have been moved because I would not expect a woman with her disability to be living as vibrantly as she. Today I was moved by HER and everything that she stands for, lives for and encompasses. Cheezy as it may sound, it is as if I spent time with Jesus.

When I am with her life HAS to move slow. People stare constantly and yet when she looks up and smiles at them they somehow seem to change. The only thing different about her that I see is that she has hope…..really…..she never doubts it. She interacts with Jesus in daily conversation. When I’m with her she shares with me about how Jesus made her smile this morning with what he told her. When I’m with her I’m completely present because of all that she needs from me. When I’m with her I’m a servant.

Lessons learned in her presence today:

Today in our conversation alone she reminded me that when we feel the need to control things in our life it is only because we fear something. This floored me and I realized how this was true in so many areas of my life.

When sharing about her love life she said that to get a man you have to remind them of how great they are and let them take care of you. Through social work, seeing so many women’s lives shattered from abusive men I was immediately on the defensive --- “but what if they still screw you over?” I asked the beauty, to which she replied, “then you stop trying to control and trust God with your life.”

She said women that find themselves in positions such as that often don’t love themselves already. “How can you expect a man, or anyone for that matter to see beauty in your body and who you are if YOU don’t see it yourself??” This hit me pretty hard. She said, “at the age of 58, I am beautiful. I know I am.” Then smiled and continued on her walker past me with a smirk of confidence.

Later, when talking about my hectic lifestyle, including bad eating and sleeping habits she asked me about a personal, previous health concern I had told her about. She asked me why I had not gone to the doctor but I told her I was just too busy to schedule an appointment and take the time to figure it out. “There haven’t been any major problems, it will work out,” I said, to which she replied, “I remember when I thought I was invincible once too… ha.”

She told me that a long time ago she made a commitment to God to be thankful to Him for everything. She said she did not want to get to heaven someday and tell Jesus that she lived in anger towards him because he had made a mistake with her. She wanted him to know that she loves herself and did the best she could to spread His love through her until her final day. That is why she is active in yoga, church life, prayer and eating healthy daily. She said life is too short to take your body for granted.

All day these lessons have consumed me. Most often, after 4 years surrounded by a Bible-belt, college culture where it was cool to say “I’m praying for you” and know the praise songs, when someone says God told them to do something I scoff. When she tells me that she speaks with Jesus regularly…I believe it. There is a sincerity in her eyes and voice…something changes and I find myself desperately wanting to know what He told her.

This relationship seems to be a repeat of my experiences working with persons in need from the community through the benevolence program at FBC last year. The people in society we fear because we do not understand…those we often do not “have the time” to take time and care for… are the mediators between us and Jesus. Or at least they have been the mediators for me. I believe through their belief….and I see why Jesus spent time with certain people….because they were beautiful.