Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My recent statement of faith and other ramblings....
(need to edit more...I know)
The Jesus of Luke plays a very special role in my life.
Since high school I have felt conflicted about Jesus’ life and words and yet the way we live as Christians and how our churches function, excluding some people intentionally or unintentionally, overlooking some scripture and only teaching what we want to hear and follow. I saw individual lives of church members sometimes line up more with Jesus’ teachings but we a corporate body I did not experience or see missions lived out. Certain individuals were deemed “called” to mission and THEY were the ones that lived it out. The rest of us were off the hook. I have always felt strongly about marginalized people being mistreated and have felt marginalized myself at times.
When I started to stand up or begin to ask questions as I went through college I was thrown into categories “educated,” “liberal,” “social worker.” In all actuality, I felt that I was just a Christian.
Fast forward to my experience as a benevolence coordinator… I’m meeting with people and charged with the responsibility of decided who is worthy and not worthy to receive assistance. Thinking it would be easy to justify and decide I soon became overwhelmed with how ill-prepared I was to understand the lives of those living in poverty. Every situation was more complex than “laziness” or “drugs.” Each individual coming into see me had a significant story, that sometimes involved bad choices but when putting myself int hat person’s shoes I might have made the same bad choice considering the lack of options present for them. A single mom had to choose whether to keep her job (barely paying her minimum wage) and be cut off of food stamps or quit her job and stay on welfare (TANF) in order to feed her kids until they would be old enough to take care of themselves. She had no family to take care of her kids while at work so she had to pay for a babysitter and so the money she would use for food was going to that expense. I heard story after story of surviving on the streets, making money, escaping to drugs to escape the loneliness, pain or to help them deal with their schizophrenia when they did not have transportation to get to their appointment in order to get a prescription.
I had no power to solve all of the issues at hand for each person. The best I could do was to help them navigate the system of help offered in Waco through churches and nonprofits and occasionally help with groceries or gas assistance…and then we would pray. I cannot tell you the power that comes when you pray with someone who is desperate. There is a supernatural power that occurs when you are on level with your brother or sister need, holding their hands in yours and calling on a God that you believe is bigger than any illness, injustice or cause of suffering. Often times I would not have been in conversation with God much at all that week and in that moment I believed because my brother or sister believed. I saw peace come over people that I cannot explain and I experienced it myself. I received phone calls occasionally from people letting me know what worked out and how God took care of them. Sometimes, I would pray something specific for someone, a free washing machine, gas money, food (not telling any agency or church about this need)…..and the next day would get a call from an agency or church asking if I knew of anyone needing that item.
This happened on numerous occasions. In the midst of these experiences I wondered if I really was a “liberal.” People I highly respected believed that certain churches should only be for certain people and yet I was being the church for people that were not accepted and I was experiencing power. The Jesus of Luke CHOSE to spend time with the people that were marginalized (poor, Samaritan, women, tax-collectors, prostitutes) and indicated that these were the people that truly “got it.”
This is not a liberal interpretation…. When understanding the context of this scripture this is the message of Jesus, plain and simple.
Sitting in Missions class today talking about the mission of Jesus in Luke-Acts my mind was flooded with “the poor” I came to know while serving as benevolence coordinator, except they were not “the poor” to me. They were Linda, Jerry, Joe, Sandy…..and so on and so on. Each person had a story and a face that will be etched in my mind forever. I realized that before even fully comprehending Luke God was teaching me about his kingdom and message as I realized how much more these friends were ministering to ME than I to them. How in their desperateness they could NOT control their lives as I tried to do my own but fully depending on God. They were not afraid to talk about the Holy spirit and did not have time to care about an image or whether or not they were being too liberal. They life was one of survival, day to day and yet for those that truly depended on God…they were more at peace and joyful than I could have claimed to be at the point in my life.
During my internship this past Spring I studied Luke more and stumbled upon a constant theme throughout the gospel “those whom have been forgiven much, love much.” I did not truly understand this until I made choices in my life I was not proud of and needed forgiveness to the enth degree. I found myself in the spring realizing that I was in control of NOTHING in my life for the first time. I did not know who I was, whether I was worthy, what I was doing at Truett/School of Social work, why I was serving this church in Huntsville…. For the first time in my life I had no answers. Over a period of months I soon realized that not only had I experienced forgiveness but in the realizing of losing control and finally calling on God and giving it to him…He found me and gave me peace.
I get it now. Forgiveness has to be a huge factor in driving our mission and calling in life as Christians, whatever that calling is. Until the Spring I believe I had talked a lot about forgiveness but I don’t think I had ever fully experienced it. I believed God forgave me for my sins and loved me….or I said I did…. But somewhere in the back of my mind there lingered the thought that I was not really worthy.
Although I am thankful and thrilled to realize this and be at Seminary studying and reflecting on the character of God, his work among us and throughout history I am fearful for the future. I grieve for churches that do not understand the teachings of Jesus and I grieve for those of us that will be among these people, our friends, family because it will not be easy. It hit me today in class that Jesus’ teachings were not popular and not listening to them was easy. It is not the norm to go out of our way for someone and to let the mess of their lives infiltrate our own. This agape love is what Jesus called the early church to do and what He’s calling us to do today.
If I am on staff at a church or even laity leadership and someone with authority says that this church is only for certain kinds of people, singling out a specific person desiring to attend and worship with our faith family I will HAVE to speak up. True, you might say that “speaking up may cause dissention among the greater body…why would I want to disrupt the flow of the larger body when making a decision about this issue will just affect that ONE person that won’t be aloud to attend?”
My answer will be, “Because…Jesus said to.” Luke 4 clearly expresses that Jesus came to preach the gospel to the poor, proclaim release to the captives, recover the sight of the blind, set the oppressed free and proclaim the favorable year of the Lord. He modeled this for us through his lifestyle while on Earth and to be followers of Christ we then are do what? …..the same.
This is going to cost me, my family, maybe even my job someday….. but when faced with situations in my daily life or greater ones such as the example mentioned above I HAVE to be ready to answer on behalf of the Jesus I proclaim to follow….
It is amazing to realize that after years of professing to be a Christian only the last 9 months of my life have I come to believe and accept that:
I am forgiven
I am worthy
My passion and calling is valid
Jesus’ words are true
I will suffer
Because of this personal experience I truly believe that salvation is a process. Many of these things about myself God has not told me in a dream or through his audible voice but through my interaction with friends, life group and family, all of which I consider my community.
The realization of this progression the last few months hit me in class and brought me to my knees, in a dark room on the third floor of Truett where I currently sitting and writing this.
I get why I am at Seminary now, I get the huge responsibility we have as Christians with seminary education to share with others what we’re learning, if we do not….. what will the church become?
I have never cared to “evangelize” because I am not comfortable with tracks, evangecubes, or anything like that. I now have a desire to share my story with people, not wanting to secure that all of the people in my life will go to heaven….. but I want people that cross my path to experience the kind of forgiveness I have…. I want people to live life in freedom not burdened…..and I want people to know what it is to have HOPE.
Hope comes through Christ working through us as we love and serve one another through this crazy world. That is kingdom living and thinking…and it will cost us but I am ready.
The Jesus of Luke plays a very special role in my life.
Since high school I have felt conflicted about Jesus’ life and words and yet the way we live as Christians and how our churches function, excluding some people intentionally or unintentionally, overlooking some scripture and only teaching what we want to hear and follow. I saw individual lives of church members sometimes line up more with Jesus’ teachings but we a corporate body I did not experience or see missions lived out. Certain individuals were deemed “called” to mission and THEY were the ones that lived it out. The rest of us were off the hook. I have always felt strongly about marginalized people being mistreated and have felt marginalized myself at times.
When I started to stand up or begin to ask questions as I went through college I was thrown into categories “educated,” “liberal,” “social worker.” In all actuality, I felt that I was just a Christian.
Fast forward to my experience as a benevolence coordinator… I’m meeting with people and charged with the responsibility of decided who is worthy and not worthy to receive assistance. Thinking it would be easy to justify and decide I soon became overwhelmed with how ill-prepared I was to understand the lives of those living in poverty. Every situation was more complex than “laziness” or “drugs.” Each individual coming into see me had a significant story, that sometimes involved bad choices but when putting myself int hat person’s shoes I might have made the same bad choice considering the lack of options present for them. A single mom had to choose whether to keep her job (barely paying her minimum wage) and be cut off of food stamps or quit her job and stay on welfare (TANF) in order to feed her kids until they would be old enough to take care of themselves. She had no family to take care of her kids while at work so she had to pay for a babysitter and so the money she would use for food was going to that expense. I heard story after story of surviving on the streets, making money, escaping to drugs to escape the loneliness, pain or to help them deal with their schizophrenia when they did not have transportation to get to their appointment in order to get a prescription.
I had no power to solve all of the issues at hand for each person. The best I could do was to help them navigate the system of help offered in Waco through churches and nonprofits and occasionally help with groceries or gas assistance…and then we would pray. I cannot tell you the power that comes when you pray with someone who is desperate. There is a supernatural power that occurs when you are on level with your brother or sister need, holding their hands in yours and calling on a God that you believe is bigger than any illness, injustice or cause of suffering. Often times I would not have been in conversation with God much at all that week and in that moment I believed because my brother or sister believed. I saw peace come over people that I cannot explain and I experienced it myself. I received phone calls occasionally from people letting me know what worked out and how God took care of them. Sometimes, I would pray something specific for someone, a free washing machine, gas money, food (not telling any agency or church about this need)…..and the next day would get a call from an agency or church asking if I knew of anyone needing that item.
This happened on numerous occasions. In the midst of these experiences I wondered if I really was a “liberal.” People I highly respected believed that certain churches should only be for certain people and yet I was being the church for people that were not accepted and I was experiencing power. The Jesus of Luke CHOSE to spend time with the people that were marginalized (poor, Samaritan, women, tax-collectors, prostitutes) and indicated that these were the people that truly “got it.”
This is not a liberal interpretation…. When understanding the context of this scripture this is the message of Jesus, plain and simple.
Sitting in Missions class today talking about the mission of Jesus in Luke-Acts my mind was flooded with “the poor” I came to know while serving as benevolence coordinator, except they were not “the poor” to me. They were Linda, Jerry, Joe, Sandy…..and so on and so on. Each person had a story and a face that will be etched in my mind forever. I realized that before even fully comprehending Luke God was teaching me about his kingdom and message as I realized how much more these friends were ministering to ME than I to them. How in their desperateness they could NOT control their lives as I tried to do my own but fully depending on God. They were not afraid to talk about the Holy spirit and did not have time to care about an image or whether or not they were being too liberal. They life was one of survival, day to day and yet for those that truly depended on God…they were more at peace and joyful than I could have claimed to be at the point in my life.
During my internship this past Spring I studied Luke more and stumbled upon a constant theme throughout the gospel “those whom have been forgiven much, love much.” I did not truly understand this until I made choices in my life I was not proud of and needed forgiveness to the enth degree. I found myself in the spring realizing that I was in control of NOTHING in my life for the first time. I did not know who I was, whether I was worthy, what I was doing at Truett/School of Social work, why I was serving this church in Huntsville…. For the first time in my life I had no answers. Over a period of months I soon realized that not only had I experienced forgiveness but in the realizing of losing control and finally calling on God and giving it to him…He found me and gave me peace.
I get it now. Forgiveness has to be a huge factor in driving our mission and calling in life as Christians, whatever that calling is. Until the Spring I believe I had talked a lot about forgiveness but I don’t think I had ever fully experienced it. I believed God forgave me for my sins and loved me….or I said I did…. But somewhere in the back of my mind there lingered the thought that I was not really worthy.
Although I am thankful and thrilled to realize this and be at Seminary studying and reflecting on the character of God, his work among us and throughout history I am fearful for the future. I grieve for churches that do not understand the teachings of Jesus and I grieve for those of us that will be among these people, our friends, family because it will not be easy. It hit me today in class that Jesus’ teachings were not popular and not listening to them was easy. It is not the norm to go out of our way for someone and to let the mess of their lives infiltrate our own. This agape love is what Jesus called the early church to do and what He’s calling us to do today.
If I am on staff at a church or even laity leadership and someone with authority says that this church is only for certain kinds of people, singling out a specific person desiring to attend and worship with our faith family I will HAVE to speak up. True, you might say that “speaking up may cause dissention among the greater body…why would I want to disrupt the flow of the larger body when making a decision about this issue will just affect that ONE person that won’t be aloud to attend?”
My answer will be, “Because…Jesus said to.” Luke 4 clearly expresses that Jesus came to preach the gospel to the poor, proclaim release to the captives, recover the sight of the blind, set the oppressed free and proclaim the favorable year of the Lord. He modeled this for us through his lifestyle while on Earth and to be followers of Christ we then are do what? …..the same.
This is going to cost me, my family, maybe even my job someday….. but when faced with situations in my daily life or greater ones such as the example mentioned above I HAVE to be ready to answer on behalf of the Jesus I proclaim to follow….
It is amazing to realize that after years of professing to be a Christian only the last 9 months of my life have I come to believe and accept that:
I am forgiven
I am worthy
My passion and calling is valid
Jesus’ words are true
I will suffer
Because of this personal experience I truly believe that salvation is a process. Many of these things about myself God has not told me in a dream or through his audible voice but through my interaction with friends, life group and family, all of which I consider my community.
The realization of this progression the last few months hit me in class and brought me to my knees, in a dark room on the third floor of Truett where I currently sitting and writing this.
I get why I am at Seminary now, I get the huge responsibility we have as Christians with seminary education to share with others what we’re learning, if we do not….. what will the church become?
I have never cared to “evangelize” because I am not comfortable with tracks, evangecubes, or anything like that. I now have a desire to share my story with people, not wanting to secure that all of the people in my life will go to heaven….. but I want people that cross my path to experience the kind of forgiveness I have…. I want people to live life in freedom not burdened…..and I want people to know what it is to have HOPE.
Hope comes through Christ working through us as we love and serve one another through this crazy world. That is kingdom living and thinking…and it will cost us but I am ready.
Monday, September 1, 2008
of course....
You’re sitting on the curb hearing gunshots down the street
You wonder where your mom is, you just want to eat
You don’t know where your right foot is from you left, of course.
You’ve got your coffee and computer stare
You’re almost the smartest but hardly anyone cares.
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
You perfect your beauty 24 hrs a day
But you’re still not happy as you wear away
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
You made a bad choice and took the easy road,
Now you live on the streets carrying too heavy a load
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
You got the t-shirt and your poster in hand
You are yelling on the corner but don’t know where you stand.
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
Well you got your Jesus and your enemies too,
You quote your scripture but you are broken in two.
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
Well I don’t have the answers and I’m not going to try,
But I think we’re all a piece of this big, funky pie.
We don’t know where our right foot is from our left, of course.
Of course.
You wonder where your mom is, you just want to eat
You don’t know where your right foot is from you left, of course.
You’ve got your coffee and computer stare
You’re almost the smartest but hardly anyone cares.
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
You perfect your beauty 24 hrs a day
But you’re still not happy as you wear away
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
You made a bad choice and took the easy road,
Now you live on the streets carrying too heavy a load
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
You got the t-shirt and your poster in hand
You are yelling on the corner but don’t know where you stand.
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
Well you got your Jesus and your enemies too,
You quote your scripture but you are broken in two.
You don’t know where your right foot is from your left, of course.
Well I don’t have the answers and I’m not going to try,
But I think we’re all a piece of this big, funky pie.
We don’t know where our right foot is from our left, of course.
Of course.
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